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We need to talk about the mormons

I want to talk about another serious matter. Manny of you know I'm an exmo, aka ex-mormon. If you're unaware of the phenomenon of YouTube families, then I suggest you familiarize yourselves with the plague that they are. There's very important laws states are trying to enact to protect children.  Most recently one of the largest families, one with a following of over 2.5 million at one point, the mother and her business partner were arrested for felony child abuse. I tell you this because they're mormon. In fact several families with a larger social media followings happen to be mormon. Why is this fact important you ask? Because while you may want to interject with the old line, every religion has bad people, this does nothing but diminish the very real problem with child abuse and domestic violence the mormon church has and diminishes the experience of countless victims that lay in the path that the mormon church has destroyed. Do not do this! I'm a product of thi...
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Making Me Smaller

Ever since I was little I wanted to be big. I wanted to be someone, a name people would recognize, have a big house, and drive a nice car. I wanted to be a movie star, a singer, then a Broadway star, then that turned into wanting to be a prima ballerina. I wanted to do it all and then some.  At times these dreams were encouraged, but there were always caveats. If I was going to become rich and famous then I better pay my mom back for the money she spent on classes and buy her a nice car and a nice big house. I owed her. It became a weight that I carried around everywhere I went. I owed someone everything for every opportunity I was given.  When it came to me trying to be myself nothing ever felt right. If I was quiet I couldn't be heard above the loudness of my four brothers. I had to constantly smile and be pretty. I had to people please and create a big personality that made me appear constantly happy and larger than life. I was constantly told I had a beautiful smile and ad...
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What is Human Value?

 I ponder this question so often and I think to myself, what is human value and who has it? Who gets to decide who has value and what metrics do we use to assign this value? I think about my personal history and how that's shaped my perspective on my thoughts and feelings about why I feel I am a person of no value, but I also think about the therapies I've had, and the interactions I've had with friends and those who are my chosen family, and how I'm capable of assigning a very high value upon those people.  It's not just about being told you aren't a person of worth, because those specific words were never said directly to me, but it was always made clear in the actions towards me. How my ex husband would yell at me with an empty whisky glass next to the couch in the living room that he'd made his bed, and called me a bitch in our bedroom doorway, not allowing me to leave or to have peace by forcing the door to stay open. It's in being beaten as a child...
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The System is Meant to Break You

By every person's standards I've been homeless for just over a week. February 20th was my official move out day. I was so exhausted I barely even cried as I pulled out of my complex. By HUD's standards I'm not homeless because they don't count couch surfing as truly homeless. You must be sleeping in your car or living outside in a tent or under a bridge. I can't even stay in a hotel. So I have to put myself at risk to my health to try to get some kind of emergency housing. So, as of this coming weekend I have no choice but to start living in my car with my ESA cat Snow.  She's going to hate it. I have a kitty harness and blankets for her, and I'm thinking of ordering a little sweater for her just in case it gets super cold again, as the most snowy months in Denver are in March.  The worst of today was finally getting my scheduled call from Arapahoe County Health and Human Services office, and the lady called nearly 30 minutes late. She starts asking me a...
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