Making Me Smaller
Ever since I was little I wanted to be big. I wanted to be someone, a name people would recognize, have a big house, and drive a nice car. I wanted to be a movie star, a singer, then a Broadway star, then that turned into wanting to be a prima ballerina. I wanted to do it all and then some. At times these dreams were encouraged, but there were always caveats. If I was going to become rich and famous then I better pay my mom back for the money she spent on classes and buy her a nice car and a nice big house. I owed her. It became a weight that I carried around everywhere I went. I owed someone everything for every opportunity I was given. When it came to me trying to be myself nothing ever felt right. If I was quiet I couldn't be heard above the loudness of my four brothers. I had to constantly smile and be pretty. I had to people please and create a big personality that made me appear constantly happy and larger than life. I was constantly told I had a beautiful smile and ad...